Freshman Year

It was certainly an eye-opener, but not in the way I expected. I didn't make tons of friends, I didn't change that much, I still don't drink, and I started going to bed earlier than I used to during high school (at least second semester). This year was noticeably tougher than any I've had before, though. I found out that my parents were getting divorced & selling our house my first weekend at school, and neither has happened yet. Lots of love ups and downs, ultimately ending the best way possible. A change in roommates, a job I would have never imagined myself having or keeping for another year, and a complete change in direction for my career choice.

It's common knowledge that you're supposed to find out who you really are in college. I think I conquered that milestone somewhere in middle school, so I missed out on that. Instead, I learned a lot about other people and how they compare to me. There's a reason I didn't make a lot of new friends. I just don't have a lot in common with the average 18- to 22-year-old. I've got myself all figured out (well, almost) and I know what I'm looking for (and found it) in a significant other. I've already got a lot of life skills, such as the ability to cook, manage a bank account, properly clean, and manage my time and grades. It all has something to do with my parents guiding me by not really guiding me. The older I get, the more I appreciate their "neglect." It's in quotes because they didn't quite neglect me, just forced me to be independent and learn to do things on my own. I've always had that independent streak, so that's also helped me learn how to do important things whenever I was ready to learn them. Thankfully, that was earlier than the average human being.

I'm already ready to have my own home and career and family. I'm obviously not trying too hard to make those things happen (I really don't want to get married until I'm 25), but I'm excited to reach that point in my life. I don't really need the "fun" period in my life. Running a household is fun and fulfilling enough for me. Then again, I can't help but wonder if I'm going to pull a Mom and go crazy when I'm older instead. I still have fun, but I don't need it to define my life right now. I like having responsibility and never want to just throw caution to the wind and let it fall on someone else's shoulders (usually). Also, I feel that if I am not the responsible one when going out with a group of friends, no one will be, and it will be the one time where something serious happens and no one is capable of dealing with it. This is the main reason I haven't partied once. I definitely would have otherwise. No one else is ever willing to take my position, though, so I've just been content to fill it.

I just realized my dream last night was linked to this. In it, a friend of mine broke his arm clear in half and no one in the room was willing to help me take care of him and get him to a hospital. The 911 dispatcher was even beating around the bush with me, leaving me all alone!! I freaked out in my dream since I was so helpless and just needed to take care of my friend. I woke up because I just couldn't handle it anymore, and it took me at least 30 minutes to get back to sleep.

Getting back to the original post subject, I feel like I have a much stronger moral system than other people my age, even people a lot older than me. I don't let my beliefs cave in for one night or try to hide them to impress people. Don't like people who party? I'm not going to be what you want just so you'll have a crush on me, too. If anything, your opinion of non-partiers makes me think you're kind of lame and I'm over you anyway. I'd rather have just a few friends that are more like me than a bunch of friends who only like the facade I put on to keep them.

Because my beliefs have stayed so strong, I have grown distant with a lot of high school friends. We stuck together because we were the few of our kind, and now that group is even smaller, aka: me. I still have fun when I see those high school friends and we still have things to talk about, but now I feel like there is this divide between us. I try really hard to not look down upon them for changing, but I can't help doing it a little. I feel like I've been abandoned on our rock without anyone to keep me company anymore. I just have to keep in mind that even though their recreational activities have changed, their personalities haven't. That's what built our friendships in the first place anyway, right?

College has made me feel more alone in the world instead of feeling like I have more people I can get along with. Maybe I'm just a prude stuck in the morals of the past, but I like what I believe. I just don't get what's so wrong with it that no one feels like I do besides my grandparents. Fill me in?