Absentee

It's been a while since I've blogged, but it hasn't been because I've been busy. I just haven't had much to share with the outside world. Okay, it's partially due to my acquisition of the 2nd and 3rd books in the Twilight series. But that was only for 3 days. I've also been making dinner and baking sweet treats with my mom in my usual blogging time slot. I started watching Weeds Season 3 last night. I'm currently on episode 12 of 15. The past two days have been full of running errands and biking around. I guess I have been up to more than usual.

Aaron also came to visit yesterday and the day before to hunt for apartments. Truthfully, not a lot was accomplished in that area. But things were accomplished in other areas. I've realized there is no book listing right and wrong decisions, so I've thrown out that conception in favor of playing it all by ear. I'm trying to do what makes me happiest and keeps me safe. If I mess up, that's my responsibility, but I hope to learn from those mistakes. No one around me has a perfect relationship to model mine after. Everyone has their problems that never go away. It's just a matter of assessing those problems and deciding if they're worth dealing with all the time. For adding so much uncertainty to my life, this whole mess has been a less prominent stress source than 938402840938240293840 other things that keep piling up every day.

Including my apartment situation. I knew it was too good to be true. Soon I will find out if I need to start looking for a new place. Some things and people in my life are completely dumbfounding. People make such selfish decisions every day, and I can't handle it. Sure, I can be selfish, but on the whole I am mostly looking out for those around me. I'd rather be content with their decision than raise hell getting my way. Our culture has taught us the importance of ME ME ME ME ME, but I am trying hard not to buy into it so much. This includes looking out for the environment in little ways, having others choose restaurants/make social decisions (Okay, this is somewhat due to my indecisiveness.), and letting my parents make the decision that is best for them without making a big deal about how it affects me. Sure, I am sometimes a doormat, leading to negatively internalized emotions that bubble to the surface as anxiety at least once a day. But I'm working on it. I'd rather deal with that on my own than making everyone else revolve around me. ANYWAYS, I know my living situation will work out somehow. Even if that means commuting from home/bunking with Aaron until the right place presents itself. Pray for me, I guess.

I just want something in my life to resolve itself so I don't feel so paralyzed by the weight of this stress on my shoulders.