Fitting perfectly into a pair of pants that you didn't think would make it past your thighs is possibly one of the greatest feelings in the world.
For Lent I always try to do something instead of giving something up. I'm going to try to work out 4 times a week. This means mostly in my bedroom with my secret little plan, but I am also going to try to walk a couple of miles when it's nice outside since I can't run. I think this will really improve my neck and back problems now that I'm out of physical therapy.
I also want to do a volunteer activity. There is this program with elderly people I wanted to check out last semester but I will this semester. My only problem is that I'm trying to return to my second job and obtain a third, so I don't know how much this will help.
A third thing for Lent is to reach out to more friends. I started today by setting a homework date with a friend in all my classes & setting up a weekend get-together with a friend I don't see nearly enough. It's really hard for me to reach out to others so I'm really working on improving that.
Working out gives me a lot of energy. I'm dancing around in my undies to Girl Talk. I'll have to start homework sometime soon.
Showing posts with label growing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Progress
Right after my car accident, I could only bend down and touch my knees, and that was working really hard at it.
The other night I was stretching and I touched my toes! It was a big accomplishment. I've been telling everyone!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Mess Maker Baker
Busy at work tonight. By work, I mean my kitchen, doing what I love the most.
Made: ginger cookies, cookies & cream cupcakes, more granola, and popped some popcorn by hand. Tomorrow I'll be frosting more cupcakes, making rocky road brownies, and turning that popcorn into candy corn popcorn balls for a party on Friday.
I really am the mess maker baker:
...This is after I did most of the dishes.
That quote from my last entry really applies. I'm staying up late but I'm making $$$! And I couldn't be happier to be losing sleep on this.
Today in Entre Club I was introduced to the president of Granite City Restaurant & Brewery, who graduated from the Culinary Institute of Arts (aka my dream culinary school that will cost me $50,000 for 2 years). I asked him if it was worth it to go there and he replied that it was his best decision in his career. He is going to be putting me in contact with a recent graduate from their baking program. I'm so excited!
My aunt, also my massage therapist, offered to set me up with a session to pick her boss's brain - she also works for a "candy lady". She also said I could probably work there part time, but I don't know if candy is the avenue I want to go down. It wouldn't hurt to see how she operates her business, though! I also can't wait for that. I also NEED to go to Cooqi and check out the scene and see if I want to apply there.
Everything is starting for me! I think this is really what I want to do with my life. Tonight I learned how to make great icing and put it on a cupcake properly. I also experimented with some cookies and got great feedback from the guinea pigs, aka my roomies. Every time I bake a new thing, I love challenging myself and teaching myself new skills. This is all a learning process, so don't hate me if I mess up your order a little bit!
Today was a horrible day physically (I now have to sit in a chair to put on or take off clothes & shoes.), but all my baking and inspiration from Entre Club & the Entre major info session at Carlson really overcame that and made this one of the best days in a while.
Made: ginger cookies, cookies & cream cupcakes, more granola, and popped some popcorn by hand. Tomorrow I'll be frosting more cupcakes, making rocky road brownies, and turning that popcorn into candy corn popcorn balls for a party on Friday.
I really am the mess maker baker:
...This is after I did most of the dishes.
That quote from my last entry really applies. I'm staying up late but I'm making $$$! And I couldn't be happier to be losing sleep on this.
Today in Entre Club I was introduced to the president of Granite City Restaurant & Brewery, who graduated from the Culinary Institute of Arts (aka my dream culinary school that will cost me $50,000 for 2 years). I asked him if it was worth it to go there and he replied that it was his best decision in his career. He is going to be putting me in contact with a recent graduate from their baking program. I'm so excited!
My aunt, also my massage therapist, offered to set me up with a session to pick her boss's brain - she also works for a "candy lady". She also said I could probably work there part time, but I don't know if candy is the avenue I want to go down. It wouldn't hurt to see how she operates her business, though! I also can't wait for that. I also NEED to go to Cooqi and check out the scene and see if I want to apply there.
Everything is starting for me! I think this is really what I want to do with my life. Tonight I learned how to make great icing and put it on a cupcake properly. I also experimented with some cookies and got great feedback from the guinea pigs, aka my roomies. Every time I bake a new thing, I love challenging myself and teaching myself new skills. This is all a learning process, so don't hate me if I mess up your order a little bit!
Today was a horrible day physically (I now have to sit in a chair to put on or take off clothes & shoes.), but all my baking and inspiration from Entre Club & the Entre major info session at Carlson really overcame that and made this one of the best days in a while.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Strong Ties
I've never realized how my mood affects the music I listen to until now.
When I was a junior & senior in high school, I was having the time of my life going to shows and writing about music and staying out late on the weekends and shopping with my friends. I was into artists like The Shins and The Strokes then, but didn't listen to them nearly as much as The Semester or The Academy Is... or Cartel. I used music to get me pumped up about the weekend or getting dressed for school. I didn't listen to Brand New's Deja Entendu very much because it was so dark, but Your Favorite Weapon was always in rotation. I was happy so the music I played was happy. I always had a hard time explaining to others why pop rock was my genre of choice, but reflecting I can see more of a connection to how I felt about life.
My parents weren't on the rocks, I had a nice job so I always had money, I was getting good grades with ease, I had a car, I was part of a solid group of friends, etc. Basically, nothing bad had ever happened in my life to that point. Everything always worked out how I needed it to. I was always afraid of impending doom in the back of my head because I knew it would come at some point, whether it being someone close to me dying or my parents struggling financially. I was thankful for what I had, but I didn't think I took it for granted.
I had definitely taken my good fortune up to that point for granted. My first weekend of college, my mom left and my parents put our house up for sale. I had to learn to juggle homework assignments and exams that would creep up in my schedule. I worked at a job I didn't like for the first time. I really started struggling to find my place because my high school friends were changing and I couldn't find many people that shared my beliefs to bond with. I fell out of contact with a lot of people close to me. I couldn't accept that the person I loved was wounding me more than I deserved and dragging me through the mud. I had eating issues. Basically, all this stress piled up at once and threatened to crush me. I am a pessimist instead of the eternal optimist I once was. I used to be the one my friends would go to for advice, but now I seek advice from a professional on a weekly basis. I feel like all these dark things flooding my life at once left little room for the light to shine through. I matured so fast that I couldn't learn to integrate all these new feelings into the way I was living.
With all these difficult changes came a shift in musical tastes. I started identifying with artists who sing with soul instead of Autotune. I began to prefer sad melodies to the pop punk standard formula. Lyrics about abstract thoughts resonated more with me than those of unrequited love for a girl who doesn't appreciate the vocalist anyway.
I was feelin' the sunny times again a couple of times this past year. I started listening to the upbeat "indie" stuff like Tokyo Police Club and Vampire weekend. I even kept some of my pop rock roots by keeping The Maine on repeat and poppin' champagne with All Time Low. I went to Sing It Loud shows.
Now that I'm back at the bottom of the cycle, I find myself listening to more somber stuff like the new Stills, new Kings of Leon, Fleet Foxes, Portugal. The Man, and Secret Machines. A lot of emotion in those songs, but they're not very lighthearted or sunny. Definitely all music that is best listened to alone.Even when I did put on The Maine yesterday to try and change my mood, I didn't find myself getting very into it besides the slower songs in the middle of the album. I don't think to put on The Format or Hot Hot Heat, but go right to Owen and City and Colour.
If my mood does turn around again, where will my tastes be situated on the musical spectrum?
When I was a junior & senior in high school, I was having the time of my life going to shows and writing about music and staying out late on the weekends and shopping with my friends. I was into artists like The Shins and The Strokes then, but didn't listen to them nearly as much as The Semester or The Academy Is... or Cartel. I used music to get me pumped up about the weekend or getting dressed for school. I didn't listen to Brand New's Deja Entendu very much because it was so dark, but Your Favorite Weapon was always in rotation. I was happy so the music I played was happy. I always had a hard time explaining to others why pop rock was my genre of choice, but reflecting I can see more of a connection to how I felt about life.
My parents weren't on the rocks, I had a nice job so I always had money, I was getting good grades with ease, I had a car, I was part of a solid group of friends, etc. Basically, nothing bad had ever happened in my life to that point. Everything always worked out how I needed it to. I was always afraid of impending doom in the back of my head because I knew it would come at some point, whether it being someone close to me dying or my parents struggling financially. I was thankful for what I had, but I didn't think I took it for granted.
I had definitely taken my good fortune up to that point for granted. My first weekend of college, my mom left and my parents put our house up for sale. I had to learn to juggle homework assignments and exams that would creep up in my schedule. I worked at a job I didn't like for the first time. I really started struggling to find my place because my high school friends were changing and I couldn't find many people that shared my beliefs to bond with. I fell out of contact with a lot of people close to me. I couldn't accept that the person I loved was wounding me more than I deserved and dragging me through the mud. I had eating issues. Basically, all this stress piled up at once and threatened to crush me. I am a pessimist instead of the eternal optimist I once was. I used to be the one my friends would go to for advice, but now I seek advice from a professional on a weekly basis. I feel like all these dark things flooding my life at once left little room for the light to shine through. I matured so fast that I couldn't learn to integrate all these new feelings into the way I was living.
With all these difficult changes came a shift in musical tastes. I started identifying with artists who sing with soul instead of Autotune. I began to prefer sad melodies to the pop punk standard formula. Lyrics about abstract thoughts resonated more with me than those of unrequited love for a girl who doesn't appreciate the vocalist anyway.
I was feelin' the sunny times again a couple of times this past year. I started listening to the upbeat "indie" stuff like Tokyo Police Club and Vampire weekend. I even kept some of my pop rock roots by keeping The Maine on repeat and poppin' champagne with All Time Low. I went to Sing It Loud shows.
Now that I'm back at the bottom of the cycle, I find myself listening to more somber stuff like the new Stills, new Kings of Leon, Fleet Foxes, Portugal. The Man, and Secret Machines. A lot of emotion in those songs, but they're not very lighthearted or sunny. Definitely all music that is best listened to alone.Even when I did put on The Maine yesterday to try and change my mood, I didn't find myself getting very into it besides the slower songs in the middle of the album. I don't think to put on The Format or Hot Hot Heat, but go right to Owen and City and Colour.
If my mood does turn around again, where will my tastes be situated on the musical spectrum?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Personal Bill of Rights
1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
14. I have the right to say "I don't know."
15. I have the right not to make excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
14. I have the right to say "I don't know."
15. I have the right not to make excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Improvement
In the same amount of time it first took me to ski 2.8 miles and burn 400 calories, I can now ski 4 miles and burn 500 calories. It's taken me 3 weeks of on and off skiing, but just getting that much better has made me feel better about myself. :)
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Healthy Living
Lately I've been focusing more on working out more and eating healthier. I started 3 or 4 weeks ago by doing simple exercises 3 times a day, and now I've slowly upgraded to an hour of aerobics and exercises + 30 minutes on my ski machine daily. I feel a lot better about myself and a lot less guilty when I lick the batter off a spatula or eat an extra cookie. I've always been super self-conscious and slowly getting into exercising more has eased that a bit. Yes, my goal is losing weight, but a healthy amount in a healthful way. I just wish I could still fit in some of my dresses from last year, but certain medications have enhanced certain, um, assets that prevent my zippers from closing at the top.
To enhance my daily workouts, I've been eating a lot healthier portions and limited myself to one dessert a day (okay, not every day. But it's my birthday week!). I love my fruit and my mom has willingly kept the kitchen stocked with peaches, strawberries, raspberries, melons, apples, and grapes. I still get to eat my favorite breakfasts, just smaller portions of them. I'm saving big meals for going out with friends so I don't have to think twice about it.
My mom also bought me new shorts to work out in tonight. Getting to work out in them is pretty exciting :) The mesh pair I just got are my favorite things in the world right now. I get pleasure from the small things, I guess; I'm also geekin' out about my new toothbrush.
I'm trying to ride my bike more, but doing 30 other minutes of cardio a day kind of limits that right now because my legs aren't used to so much work! It's my goal to be able to run around Uptown with Aaron in the fall. Tomorrow I'll be biking to Charlie's house for a big brunch, though, which is exactly why I'm biking!
To enhance my daily workouts, I've been eating a lot healthier portions and limited myself to one dessert a day (okay, not every day. But it's my birthday week!). I love my fruit and my mom has willingly kept the kitchen stocked with peaches, strawberries, raspberries, melons, apples, and grapes. I still get to eat my favorite breakfasts, just smaller portions of them. I'm saving big meals for going out with friends so I don't have to think twice about it.
My mom also bought me new shorts to work out in tonight. Getting to work out in them is pretty exciting :) The mesh pair I just got are my favorite things in the world right now. I get pleasure from the small things, I guess; I'm also geekin' out about my new toothbrush.
I'm trying to ride my bike more, but doing 30 other minutes of cardio a day kind of limits that right now because my legs aren't used to so much work! It's my goal to be able to run around Uptown with Aaron in the fall. Tomorrow I'll be biking to Charlie's house for a big brunch, though, which is exactly why I'm biking!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Freshman Year
It was certainly an eye-opener, but not in the way I expected. I didn't make tons of friends, I didn't change that much, I still don't drink, and I started going to bed earlier than I used to during high school (at least second semester). This year was noticeably tougher than any I've had before, though. I found out that my parents were getting divorced & selling our house my first weekend at school, and neither has happened yet. Lots of love ups and downs, ultimately ending the best way possible. A change in roommates, a job I would have never imagined myself having or keeping for another year, and a complete change in direction for my career choice.
It's common knowledge that you're supposed to find out who you really are in college. I think I conquered that milestone somewhere in middle school, so I missed out on that. Instead, I learned a lot about other people and how they compare to me. There's a reason I didn't make a lot of new friends. I just don't have a lot in common with the average 18- to 22-year-old. I've got myself all figured out (well, almost) and I know what I'm looking for (and found it) in a significant other. I've already got a lot of life skills, such as the ability to cook, manage a bank account, properly clean, and manage my time and grades. It all has something to do with my parents guiding me by not really guiding me. The older I get, the more I appreciate their "neglect." It's in quotes because they didn't quite neglect me, just forced me to be independent and learn to do things on my own. I've always had that independent streak, so that's also helped me learn how to do important things whenever I was ready to learn them. Thankfully, that was earlier than the average human being.
I'm already ready to have my own home and career and family. I'm obviously not trying too hard to make those things happen (I really don't want to get married until I'm 25), but I'm excited to reach that point in my life. I don't really need the "fun" period in my life. Running a household is fun and fulfilling enough for me. Then again, I can't help but wonder if I'm going to pull a Mom and go crazy when I'm older instead. I still have fun, but I don't need it to define my life right now. I like having responsibility and never want to just throw caution to the wind and let it fall on someone else's shoulders (usually). Also, I feel that if I am not the responsible one when going out with a group of friends, no one will be, and it will be the one time where something serious happens and no one is capable of dealing with it. This is the main reason I haven't partied once. I definitely would have otherwise. No one else is ever willing to take my position, though, so I've just been content to fill it.
I just realized my dream last night was linked to this. In it, a friend of mine broke his arm clear in half and no one in the room was willing to help me take care of him and get him to a hospital. The 911 dispatcher was even beating around the bush with me, leaving me all alone!! I freaked out in my dream since I was so helpless and just needed to take care of my friend. I woke up because I just couldn't handle it anymore, and it took me at least 30 minutes to get back to sleep.
Getting back to the original post subject, I feel like I have a much stronger moral system than other people my age, even people a lot older than me. I don't let my beliefs cave in for one night or try to hide them to impress people. Don't like people who party? I'm not going to be what you want just so you'll have a crush on me, too. If anything, your opinion of non-partiers makes me think you're kind of lame and I'm over you anyway. I'd rather have just a few friends that are more like me than a bunch of friends who only like the facade I put on to keep them.
Because my beliefs have stayed so strong, I have grown distant with a lot of high school friends. We stuck together because we were the few of our kind, and now that group is even smaller, aka: me. I still have fun when I see those high school friends and we still have things to talk about, but now I feel like there is this divide between us. I try really hard to not look down upon them for changing, but I can't help doing it a little. I feel like I've been abandoned on our rock without anyone to keep me company anymore. I just have to keep in mind that even though their recreational activities have changed, their personalities haven't. That's what built our friendships in the first place anyway, right?
College has made me feel more alone in the world instead of feeling like I have more people I can get along with. Maybe I'm just a prude stuck in the morals of the past, but I like what I believe. I just don't get what's so wrong with it that no one feels like I do besides my grandparents. Fill me in?
It's common knowledge that you're supposed to find out who you really are in college. I think I conquered that milestone somewhere in middle school, so I missed out on that. Instead, I learned a lot about other people and how they compare to me. There's a reason I didn't make a lot of new friends. I just don't have a lot in common with the average 18- to 22-year-old. I've got myself all figured out (well, almost) and I know what I'm looking for (and found it) in a significant other. I've already got a lot of life skills, such as the ability to cook, manage a bank account, properly clean, and manage my time and grades. It all has something to do with my parents guiding me by not really guiding me. The older I get, the more I appreciate their "neglect." It's in quotes because they didn't quite neglect me, just forced me to be independent and learn to do things on my own. I've always had that independent streak, so that's also helped me learn how to do important things whenever I was ready to learn them. Thankfully, that was earlier than the average human being.
I'm already ready to have my own home and career and family. I'm obviously not trying too hard to make those things happen (I really don't want to get married until I'm 25), but I'm excited to reach that point in my life. I don't really need the "fun" period in my life. Running a household is fun and fulfilling enough for me. Then again, I can't help but wonder if I'm going to pull a Mom and go crazy when I'm older instead. I still have fun, but I don't need it to define my life right now. I like having responsibility and never want to just throw caution to the wind and let it fall on someone else's shoulders (usually). Also, I feel that if I am not the responsible one when going out with a group of friends, no one will be, and it will be the one time where something serious happens and no one is capable of dealing with it. This is the main reason I haven't partied once. I definitely would have otherwise. No one else is ever willing to take my position, though, so I've just been content to fill it.
I just realized my dream last night was linked to this. In it, a friend of mine broke his arm clear in half and no one in the room was willing to help me take care of him and get him to a hospital. The 911 dispatcher was even beating around the bush with me, leaving me all alone!! I freaked out in my dream since I was so helpless and just needed to take care of my friend. I woke up because I just couldn't handle it anymore, and it took me at least 30 minutes to get back to sleep.
Getting back to the original post subject, I feel like I have a much stronger moral system than other people my age, even people a lot older than me. I don't let my beliefs cave in for one night or try to hide them to impress people. Don't like people who party? I'm not going to be what you want just so you'll have a crush on me, too. If anything, your opinion of non-partiers makes me think you're kind of lame and I'm over you anyway. I'd rather have just a few friends that are more like me than a bunch of friends who only like the facade I put on to keep them.
Because my beliefs have stayed so strong, I have grown distant with a lot of high school friends. We stuck together because we were the few of our kind, and now that group is even smaller, aka: me. I still have fun when I see those high school friends and we still have things to talk about, but now I feel like there is this divide between us. I try really hard to not look down upon them for changing, but I can't help doing it a little. I feel like I've been abandoned on our rock without anyone to keep me company anymore. I just have to keep in mind that even though their recreational activities have changed, their personalities haven't. That's what built our friendships in the first place anyway, right?
College has made me feel more alone in the world instead of feeling like I have more people I can get along with. Maybe I'm just a prude stuck in the morals of the past, but I like what I believe. I just don't get what's so wrong with it that no one feels like I do besides my grandparents. Fill me in?
Past in Present
If you know me, you know the past tends to haunt me. There are some things I've done that I will forever be ashamed of and never get over. And then there are some people and events that I will always remember and never forgive. I can live without having it in the front of my mind, but if I am to revisit those times, all the feelings rush back and I get upset immediately.
There are just some names I cannot hear without my stomach turning and tears threatening to show. I am figuring out that this happens because I put on a happy front no matter what so my feelings don't negatively impact others. I never want how I feel to change people, although I subconsciously expect those people to take my hidden feelings into account on their own. Bottling all up has led to a slow, steady, long leak that will take a lot longer to get over than if I had just confronted the issue to begin with. I feel like I'm suffering and holding more back/against people in the long run by putting their feelings before mine. If I had kicked and screamed and cried in the beginning, would I feel like this now? Even though I've come clean about some feelings, the fact that I hid them in the beginning is preventing me from even getting them all out in one go now. Sure, I can go around and say straight to faces that it's no big deal and doesn't affect me anymore, but that is never the truth. I would feel even worse now if they found out the real deal. I can't stand the possible disappointment and annoyance they'll feel by knowing I still hold those grudges and will never be able to forgive.
All that being said, I'm trying especially hard now to consciously let some things go. It's not working completely, but I did finally confront a piece of the past this weekend. It was tough and I wanted to run away the whole time, but it also made me realize how foolish I am for holding things in and hurting myself. Although I will probably never get over the things I am currently dealing with, I'm working harder to make sure I don't add any more dirty laundry to the pile. Metaphorically speaking, I'm using the Tide To Go pen right away instead of letting the stain sit in the hamper for a while. Only I can come up with an analogy like that.
There are just some names I cannot hear without my stomach turning and tears threatening to show. I am figuring out that this happens because I put on a happy front no matter what so my feelings don't negatively impact others. I never want how I feel to change people, although I subconsciously expect those people to take my hidden feelings into account on their own. Bottling all up has led to a slow, steady, long leak that will take a lot longer to get over than if I had just confronted the issue to begin with. I feel like I'm suffering and holding more back/against people in the long run by putting their feelings before mine. If I had kicked and screamed and cried in the beginning, would I feel like this now? Even though I've come clean about some feelings, the fact that I hid them in the beginning is preventing me from even getting them all out in one go now. Sure, I can go around and say straight to faces that it's no big deal and doesn't affect me anymore, but that is never the truth. I would feel even worse now if they found out the real deal. I can't stand the possible disappointment and annoyance they'll feel by knowing I still hold those grudges and will never be able to forgive.
All that being said, I'm trying especially hard now to consciously let some things go. It's not working completely, but I did finally confront a piece of the past this weekend. It was tough and I wanted to run away the whole time, but it also made me realize how foolish I am for holding things in and hurting myself. Although I will probably never get over the things I am currently dealing with, I'm working harder to make sure I don't add any more dirty laundry to the pile. Metaphorically speaking, I'm using the Tide To Go pen right away instead of letting the stain sit in the hamper for a while. Only I can come up with an analogy like that.
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