Endangered Species

A lot of the time Aaron and I talk about how we are endangered species. We are unlike most people our age. I have never smoked, smoked weed, or gotten drunk, and I never plan on doing any of those things. I don't really like partying and have a hard time talking to or connecting with acquaintances and strangers. I have nothing to bond over standing outside of a club or concert, since I'm just there for the fresh air, which is incidentally polluted with smoke. I used to have a different person to hang out with every night and I was never in my dorm room. Jackie let me tag along to various social events, where I never minded being the designated driver. I enjoy being able to remember the ridiculous statements of others.

Last semester I made a lot of acquaintances, none of which I've really kept in contact with this semester. I kind of regret it, but I don't really know. I realize and I'm sure they've all realized we don't have much in common besides the people we know. When I went to Moon Goons on Friday, I felt so awkward the whole time because I didn't know everyone like everyone else seemed to. I just had Kim, and we clung to each other for dear life. I miss going to Too Much Love with a big group of girls and weaving in and out of the crowd and heading outside every ten minutes. Why did that stop?

The only person I talk to on a daily basis is Aaron, and my roommate Kim if she's around. But she's not in the room a lot during the weekend. And during the week, I just shut my door and do whatever while she takes over the main room and does homework. I'm not a fan of homework and I'd rather not do it when I'm not forced to (I should be writing a paper right now, but I've been procrastinating on it for weeks, so why give in now?).

Basically, I feel like there is no one really like me my age that I can connect to. With the things I like to do, none of the people that like doing them too really share my other interests. I realized today I hate everyone that goes to Carlson at the U. They are just like the rest of the balloon-head people that go here. They all drink, love frats, and love random hookups and terrible top 40s music. No one has meaningful conversations. Are they all living in fear and denial of what their lives are, or are they perfectly content to live life on the surface?

I am struggling to find activities to enjoy where I could meet new people. My interests are usually short-lived. I like movies and books, but I don't have the money to buy a new book often. I like writing but I'm afraid of seriously pursuing it. I like clothes, but don't have the creativity to be a designer or start some vintage eBay store like every indie girl these days. I don't have musical talents or the funds to go to tons of shows and meet people that could like the same music as me. Most of those people are heavy into the drug/alcohol scene anyway. I like animals but I'm allergic to them and scared of most of them. I love food and cooking, but again don't have the resources. What am I going to start, a cooking club? I don't know what to do to occupy my time and meet more people like me. I'm too young to be taken seriously by people whose maturity level I feel I match, but too mature for most people that are 18 years old. It leads me to wonder: are there even any people like me anyway?

Maybe it's the city I'm in. I've never been out of the midwest-ish corridor of the United States and would really like to experience the coasts. Aaron talked of moving to Boston, his hardcore mecca, and that led me to wonder if I could find my niche there. I want to visit it at least, to see if it's just something in the water here that sets me apart from everyone else. It could be that I spent my most important socially developmental years with properness and manners in Kentucky, but left before small-town boredom got the best of me and turned me into a fool. Maybe I even belong in another country. I'm too scared to travel alone and let everything change while I'm gone, though.

I'm on a quest to find more endangered species like me. If you're out there, let me know. If Aaron and I are the last ones on the planet, we better start procreating [joke joke joke].