More Procrastination: Job Speculation/Passions

I think it's really fascinating that there is a person in the world who is a specialist in the ancestry of whales. Why whales? Why is his job and research so specific? Does he really like whales that much and think the study of their evolution is the best thing he could be doing in his life? It's just out of my league to think about something that specific when I don't even know what field I want to go into. I love writing (only non-fictional, report-type stuff) but I don't think I have what it takes to be a journalist and write everyday, mostly about stuff I don't care about. I'm just not that passionate about it. I like the music industry and kind of want to be a manager or run a label, but labels are becoming obsolete and hearing about the way bands are run and marketed is making jaded (call me overdramatic). I really like my biogeography class but I can't see myself as a geography major or finding a job in that field. I don't want to work in the human resources (one of my minors) department of a large corporation, and I've discovered the reality of being an event planner.

I'm really struggling to find things I'm passionate about. I watch Aaron's online Netflix, refresh myspace and write my blog. And take lots of naps. I really love cooking and food, which isn't exactly something I can expand on and experiment with in a dorm. I can't wait to be home this summer and then have my own brand-new kitchen in my condo next year. Hopefully it's something I can really do a lot of. I feel so bad because Aaron bought me a raw foods "cook"book for my birthday last year and I haven't used it once. It has so many great ideas that I want to try, but last summer I worked full-time and had no energy/time at the end of the day to go to the grocery store and do the complex preparation that raw foods dishes require. Then again, I'm looking for a full-time job this summer and next fall I'm taking 17 or 18 credits and trying to work at least 20 hours a week.

Honestly, I just want to run a small organic grocery store in a nice suburb and have bi-weekly cooking and info events. I want to be involved in my kids' lives and put them first. I want to love what I do and not wake up wondering why I thought it would be okay to do this for the rest of my life. I know I don't have to decide right now, but college is supposed to set you on your path and I don't want to waste my education or scholarship funds or my parents' money.

This is only a small part of the uncertainty that has swallowed my life whole. I just feel like I'm lost or floating above the earth with a few tethers to keep me from drifting away completely.