No Matter What, I Can't Escape The Past

If I hold my tongue and don't talk about it, I end up dreaming about it. I don't want to deal with it anymore; I just need it all to wash away and all the doubts to recede to an old vacant lot in the back of my mind, or vacate the premises completely. I have trust, I have faith, I have love. But little snippets and clues bury all of that and bring doubt and skepticism washing back. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want it to make it a big deal every time, especially when I'm trying so hard to eradicate these feelings. I don't know what to do anymore because even my closest confidantes think I need to let it go and can't think of anything to tell me that will help.