My Mom:

"Your theme song should be that one that's like, 'I get knocked down, but I get up again...'"

Hahaha, thanks Mommmmm.


Chumbawumba neverrrr goes out of style.

4.5 hour nap

...and I still feel terrible.

I spent all my money on groceries for participating in Veg Week. Also, I just really like food. It will probably take 2 months to eat it all. Maybe I should have waited until after my nutritionist appointment tomorrow morning to buy it all.

Wish my schedule wasn't so packed so I could take a muscle relaxer to see if it would bring more than temporary relief.

I'm A Bad Luck Magnet

So yesterday I decided to walk to the bus stop from work without Michael because he was staying late with Billy to get some training in on manager duties & Jackie requested I be back asap. I decided to call Aaron and talk to him while I was walking since it takes about 15 minutes. Right as I was approaching the bus stop, a guy ran up behind me, grabbed my head, pushed me to the ground, and took my phone. I screamed bloody murder and watched him run away down University. I looked up and no one was reacting, but finally the other woman at the bus stop asked me what was wrong and called the police immediately. I gave a description and told them the direction he was going & saw 3 police cars go that way in the following 5 minutes. I of course called Aaron right away using the lady's phone to let him know I hadn't died or anything. (Later he told me he thought I got hit by a car.) He's lucky that he's the only person whose phone number I know by heart, thanks to a sign he made me that hung above my bed all last year. That lady & her child had to get on the bus, though, so I sat sobbing alone at the bus stop while tons of people passed me and gave me weird looks.

I for sure thought there was no way I'd get my phone back because it was so random & he probably knew to throw out the SIM card so it couldn't be traced (he actually did this). After 10 minutes of waiting and looking at my scraped-up hands and ripped jeans, a police car approached me and told me to come with, as they had found the likely suspect. The officer, a young guy, kept calling me honey, but probably because I was crying so much and he wanted to calm me down. We went to the spot where they caught him and I had to identify him. I was terrified that they got the wrong guy and I was accusing an innocent person, but the guy DID end up having my phone.

Apparently some homeless man had pursued him and made it easier for police to find him. He came up to the car I was in & told me, "God is always watching." He made the officer I was with use his computer to look up Jesus-is-Savior.com & TheJewishConspiracy.com, but his story about it really went nowhere.

I got my phone back but it of course didn't have the SIM card anymore. The guy who took it told the police to look at a certain intersection for it, but after 10 minutes of looking we still couldn't find it.

The officer took photos of my scrapes and phone for evidence against the guy & told me he was going to jail. I still feel really uncomfortable & guilty that I sent someone to jail but everyone has assured me it was deserved on his part.

The officer took me home & you can't believe how many looks I got for being in the back of a police car. BTW, I could barely fit my legs in there, so I don't know how big guys can fit!!

As soon as I got home I used Jackie's phone to call people that I needed to tell. It took forever to track down my parents because I don't know their cell numbers. I called all my mom's relatives and finally got her number. I called my boss, about 5238409 people to get Hunter's number and call him, and a few others.

Aaron biked over right away and, being the best friend that he is, brought me a razmatazz cupcake from Cupcake and Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. We took the bus to the T-Mobile store before it closed and got a new SIM card for my phone no problem. It is now in full working order and I cannot get over how fortunate I am to have it back in my possession. On the bus there, I'm pretty sure the woman who helped me at the bus stop got on with her child, but I was much too shy and uncertain to go up to her and thank her. Aaron has her number since I called him from it, so I will call her soon and let her know that without her, I would be phone-less!

My mom came over & told me about how much my dad was freaking out and insisting that I now HAD to get a car & enjoyed the Phish Food Aaron brought since it's her favorite flavor.

I spent the rest of the night just vegging & enjoying company. I was bummed that I didn't end up going out to some parties with Hunter, but I'm also glad I didn't.

I love my friends & family for being here for me no matter what, especially when I somehow get myself into situations like this. I'm starting to feel like Bella in Twilight, always needing to be rescued. Who will be my Edward?

I just want a break from the bad luck, really. Car accident, Urgent Care, Mugging? What's going to happen to me next?

I've Turned Into A Twins Freak

Last night was the most amazing game of all time, from making that hugely huge mistake where the Sox got 3 runs, to coming back to beat them 7-6 in the 10th inning. The place was packed. I almost lost my voice from screaming so much. I was drunk off success. I wanted to yell at people wearing White Sox tees.

Then I get on the bus to go home tonight and I hear that we choked 8-1 to the Royals??? At least the Sox lost too. But seriously, unacceptable. We better turn shit around tomorrow.

Speaking of Choke, go see that movie. I saw it today and it ruled pretty hard. It's really twisted & weird (also a little much for my eyes), as should be expected, but suuuuper good. It's playing at the Lagoon in Uptown (NOT THE UPTOWN THEATER, hahaha) so go check it out.

Tonight's the night for magic to happen!!

Missing From My Life:

A CHOCOLATE SHAKE

Roommate bonding is oh-so-good for the soul.

& making 4 doctor's appointments is oh-so-good for the body.

What will settle my mind?

On A Whim

Tonight I got an inclination to make biscuits & Kim got an inclination to make fried apples, and then I got another inclination to make MONSTROUS chocolate chip cookies like the ones done by Levain, featured on Throwdown with Bobby Flay 1000 times a week. The biscuits were SO HUGE!! I was really proud that they came out like I wanted to. I only had to refrigerate them for 20 or so minutes. Kim's apples were delicious & well worth the wait. My cookies are STILL monstrous.

The results:







Then I ran around like a maniac because that is what copious amounts of sugar turns me into.

Spent 3 hours in Urgent Care last night only to find out that "nothing" is wrong with my stomach. I'm falling apart at the seamsssssssssssssssss.

Pretty Good Day

+ Free Bottle of Fuze from sample day at Gopher Express
+ Found a couple volunteer opportunities for helping seniors at the Community Involvement Fair
+ Found out about different study abroad opportunities @ the Study Abroad Fair. Iceland, anyone?
+ A on my French oral exam
- Forgetting I had French homework due today
+ Lookin' cute
--- Never having anyone to hang out with!!
- Haven't started a book that needs to be read by Monday
-- Haven't started 4 other homework assignments due Monday
+ Daily peach froyo
+ The weather has been almost too amazing! And it will continue all week :))))
+ My sunburn from lunch outside yesterday is fading

Time to get started on all that stuff

Strong Ties

I've never realized how my mood affects the music I listen to until now.

When I was a junior & senior in high school, I was having the time of my life going to shows and writing about music and staying out late on the weekends and shopping with my friends. I was into artists like The Shins and The Strokes then, but didn't listen to them nearly as much as The Semester or The Academy Is... or Cartel. I used music to get me pumped up about the weekend or getting dressed for school. I didn't listen to Brand New's Deja Entendu very much because it was so dark, but Your Favorite Weapon was always in rotation. I was happy so the music I played was happy. I always had a hard time explaining to others why pop rock was my genre of choice, but reflecting I can see more of a connection to how I felt about life.

My parents weren't on the rocks, I had a nice job so I always had money, I was getting good grades with ease, I had a car, I was part of a solid group of friends, etc. Basically, nothing bad had ever happened in my life to that point. Everything always worked out how I needed it to. I was always afraid of impending doom in the back of my head because I knew it would come at some point, whether it being someone close to me dying or my parents struggling financially. I was thankful for what I had, but I didn't think I took it for granted.

I had definitely taken my good fortune up to that point for granted. My first weekend of college, my mom left and my parents put our house up for sale. I had to learn to juggle homework assignments and exams that would creep up in my schedule. I worked at a job I didn't like for the first time. I really started struggling to find my place because my high school friends were changing and I couldn't find many people that shared my beliefs to bond with. I fell out of contact with a lot of people close to me. I couldn't accept that the person I loved was wounding me more than I deserved and dragging me through the mud. I had eating issues. Basically, all this stress piled up at once and threatened to crush me. I am a pessimist instead of the eternal optimist I once was. I used to be the one my friends would go to for advice, but now I seek advice from a professional on a weekly basis. I feel like all these dark things flooding my life at once left little room for the light to shine through. I matured so fast that I couldn't learn to integrate all these new feelings into the way I was living.

With all these difficult changes came a shift in musical tastes. I started identifying with artists who sing with soul instead of Autotune. I began to prefer sad melodies to the pop punk standard formula. Lyrics about abstract thoughts resonated more with me than those of unrequited love for a girl who doesn't appreciate the vocalist anyway.

I was feelin' the sunny times again a couple of times this past year. I started listening to the upbeat "indie" stuff like Tokyo Police Club and Vampire weekend. I even kept some of my pop rock roots by keeping The Maine on repeat and poppin' champagne with All Time Low. I went to Sing It Loud shows.

Now that I'm back at the bottom of the cycle, I find myself listening to more somber stuff like the new Stills, new Kings of Leon, Fleet Foxes, Portugal. The Man, and Secret Machines. A lot of emotion in those songs, but they're not very lighthearted or sunny. Definitely all music that is best listened to alone.Even when I did put on The Maine yesterday to try and change my mood, I didn't find myself getting very into it besides the slower songs in the middle of the album. I don't think to put on The Format or Hot Hot Heat, but go right to Owen and City and Colour.

If my mood does turn around again, where will my tastes be situated on the musical spectrum?

Taking Flight

I've been able to find happiness lately, but only for fleeting moments. It's never permanent.

I'm Not Paying

$142 for my traffic ticket from my accident... because it was never filed!

Most days, I just want to take the bus past class to the light rail, end up at the airport, spend all my money on a ticket out of here, and never come back. I don't know how I manage to come home every night.

Seriously Considering...

in Atlanta, GA. #7 ranked business school in the world. I already meet all of the prereqs.

I might just go to France/Norway fall semester through Carlson and then transfer to Emory after that? Or I might just stay in Europe... Or just transfer there my senior year, but what's the point then?

Either way, I wanna get out of here and be warm.

Eyes On Fire

I'm learning to keep my emotions in check and keep a level head in the face of injustice and completely unjustified decisions.

MY CLOSET

Since my room didn't come with a closet, I got to build on the previous metal shelving unit I had in my dorm. Add hanging shirt shelves and a color-organized shoe system & voila! The best part of my room.

Involvement

Today I decided to really take charge of my quality of life at the U and signed up for some things that really interested me.

- Y-tutors, tutoring young kids basically. I don't know any details yet, having only emailed them yesterday.
- Gave my membership dues to Entrepreneurship Club. Got a sweet t-shirt. I love free lunches.
- Entre Club tour of Schussler Creative, the company behind Rainforest Cafe. I've heard it's unbelievable so I can't wait.
- I'm volunteering at the U fair next Thursday. I hope I win a volunteer prize!
- I really want to be a part of the Entrepreneur Mentorship Program, but I couldn't attend any info sessions. I have yet to hear if I can still sign up. It would be an incredible opportunity that I don't want to wait till next year for!

Basically, my free time will now be 0 hours per week. Hopefully not, really.

The Drifter

I have always had trouble finding a solid group of friends I can count on. Sure, I have a lot of acquaintances and a few different good friends from all different places, but I don't have that group to rely on. I moved from MN to Kentucky in 1st grade and had my own group of friends there. Once I moved, they even dispersed and found their own ways. I guess I had been the glue.

Moving here the day before my freshman year of high school did me no favors. Everyone had their tight-knit groups from middle school and had made up their minds about every other person they had been going to school with for years. I was the newbie and finally found a good group. Then I changed groups because I wasn't really a part of them, and then that group has since dispersed based on different interests and lame drama.

I came to college with a clean slate and still had a hard time meeting people. I'm very introverted in classes, which doesn't help, and I don't really drink or party, eliminating for me most of the people I lived by in the dorms. Once again, I am lost.

All of my good friends have their own groups. Kim, Jackie, Aaron, Sara, Hunter, etc. They can go out with those people every weekend and guarantee themselves a good time. I haven't got that, which I have concluded could be the main source of my loneliness. No one else is wondering how their Friday nights will go; if they don't find something different, they can always go out with the same ol' folk.

I can't see myself finding a group any time soon, either. I just have such different values and look at life in such a different way than my peers. And I definitely don't belong in a book club for moms at this point, either.

So what's a girl to do? Spend Friday nights curled up with the remote, with an alarm set to get up for work at 5:45.

Fall Tunes

So many bands have already put out quality material for the fall.

- Stars' Sad Robot EP: I got to practice my French comprehension with the last track
- Portugal. The Man's Censored Colors: The whole shebang is my favorite, of course
- The Stills' Oceans Will Rise: "Snakecharming the Masses" is mesmerizing.
- Kings of Leon's Only By The Night: So different & so captivating. Much like the Stills' new disc. I like "Crawl" the best so far.
- The Sound of Animals Fighting's The Ocean & The Sun: Always intriguing.
- Anthony Green's Avalon: "Springtime Out The Van Window" is an unbelievable instrumental track.

& I just downloaded Jenny Lewis' new effort. Can't wait to dig into it. Also check out the Kooks' covers of MGMT's "Kids", Coldplay's "Violet Hill," and PB&J's "Young Folks". I love the Kooks.

Speaking of PB&J, I tried to download their new disc but lost the link. Time to go hunt it down!!

Questioning

I'm not sure if I really belong at Carlson anymore. I was in BA and reading the syllabus, it didn't really apply to me. We have to research a company we'd like to work for someday. I don't want to work for a big firm. I don't want to go be an accountant or marketing analyst for someone else. I don't want to submit my resume to our career and internship recruitment program. I love my job at Gopher Grocery and would much rather work there next summer than for Deloitte. We're supposed to do an informational interview with someone in the field of business we'd like to go into, but I don't think I can really interview a baker for it! Maybe an entrepreneurial baker. I don't want to go to networking events sponsored by General Mills or go to the Career and Internship Fair to look for prospective employers.

There are a lot of people in my BA class that are Entrepreneurial Management majors, but I question their desire to really start their own business. Do they even know what kind of business they want to run? Or are they just trying to prove they can think for themselves? Will they end up just working for one of these big firms because they're afraid of their own creativity and incapable of actually getting something started? I feel like my generation shuns authority and tries to appear independent without actually being so. We're all cowards.

I am going to make an appointment with a career counselor to see if my skills and desires actually do fit into the Carlson way of life. We're bred to go into the big corporate world for a big box company, but not everyone must submit to that! I just need to talk with someone to help make Carlson work for me and my goals. I got into this school and I can come out of it with the education and tools I came in looking to receive.

Maladies

- Currently, I'm going to the chiropractor 3 days a week. The accident has really screwed up my neck. I carried around a 30-pound backpack today, only exacerbating the problem. He did a scan today that showed in numbers and colors just how much pain I'm in (a lot).

I am seeing too many health professionals:
- Chiropractor
- Physician (for my ulcer)
- Dermatologist
- Asthma specialist
- Nutritionist
- Mental Health Therapist
- Women's Health Physician

Time to start my own health cooperative & pharmacy? At least I'm being proactive about my health...

Speaking of, I realized today just how much I am doing to alleviate stress.
- Not working as much!
- Yoga
- No caffeine :(
- Books to help with assertiveness & finding my niche
- Napsssss
- Only dealing with my own problems

The takeaway message of this post: Why do I have the medical problems of someone twice my age?????

Gaining Speed

I've been forcing myself to say yes to hanging out with whoever asks recently, and it's helped with the loneliness. I've got friends with lots of friends, who are willing to introduce me to 'em all.

I went to my old roommate Sara's for Indian on Sunday. I am now obsessed with naan. It's a weekly thing so I'm going to bring my own dessert creation this Sunday. Cupcakes anyone? I spent some time doing homework and being the center of attention at Hunter's on Monday. Hanging out with Hunter is always a morale booster, hahaha. I also played Spore, this really sweet computer game about evolution. Hunter's roommate Kevin (who also went to high school with Aaron... small world), whose game it is, helped me with creating an herbivore creature that is just the cutest/funniest thing ever. I can't wait to go back and help him evolve more. And prevent him from getting eaten by GINORMOUS carnivores.

It's a bummer I have an ulcer & work so early on the weekends because I'd love to get out a little with my friends and meet new people. Okay, guys. I don't really like other girls. The few girl friends I have were carefully chosen because they are not dumb/bitchy/dramatic. So I'm looking to meet new people that I actually get along with in this abyss of immature and obnoxious youth. And as for the other side of meeting new guys... I'm up to my old tricks. If I trust you, you know what I'm talking about.

I am excited for this new chapter. I'm not leaving the last one in the dust, though; a novel builds on itself.

Staying Afloat

I have been very, very lonely the past couple of days. Kim & Jackie are never here at the apartment. I don't mind being alone, but it can get well, lonely, sometimes. I have nothing to do but clean my room, make myself dinner, shower, and nap. I'll do homework when I get tired of those things. I really have no interest in partying or drinking right now; I would just like a companion to watch a movie or cook dinner with occasionally. I have no way to get to any parties I would potentially be invited to anyway. And my ulcer is discouraging me from drinking. I started a mixed drink a couple nights ago and had to stop after a few sips because my stomach started churning. What a life.

It just sucks that I have to wake up every weekend morning at 5:30 for work. I need a lot of sleep and staying out late just isn't in the cards. I hate working on the weekends; weekdays are much more exciting and more people are at work to chat with. However, I could barely get through the day today. I biked 4.1 miles there and my back and lungs seized up, so I was already off to a bad start. Repetitive bending down and lifting is also a major back & neck aggravator & that's pretty much all I do at work. I love the place, I just have a hard time on weekends because there aren't enough people to exempt me from lifting and things.

Basically, I'm asking you to save me! If you live by me, come on over for dinner and a movie before you go out for the night. You don't have to feel guilty about leaving me behind as the night really starts, just put in some face time so I can go to bed content with the evening for once.

Gossip Girl

I forgot how much I love this show. We don't have local channels @ our apartment yet, but I just caught it online and it ruled, even though the audio & video were out of sync. I wanted to watch the premiere of 90210 tonight, but I'm just gonna take a wild guess that it won't be any good anyway.


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I'm exhausted from my first day of school & work in the caf. Time for my new peach froyo and some French homework.

Surprisingly,

I'm not overwhelmed by the gobs of people around campus. I'm reveling in it. I've seen about 20 people I know, which makes me feel a lot better about being one person in a see of 50,000.

I've got a nice long break between Third World Lit & Accounting so I've just been catching up on internet stuff I've neglected for 2 days and eating a turkey sandwich.

My back hurts hella bad from my backpack already, so this is going to be a long year. I need to figure out a system that doesn't require me to carry around my work shoes & clothes in my backpack all day. I think that's the main culprit.

Move-in update later. Preview: I just absolutely cannot get over my closet. It's so perfectly organized that I just stare at it for long periods of time, admiring my handiwork. Maybe I should be a California Closets rep :D