Home Life

I'm really frustrated about being home right now. My parents don't really bother me that much and I'm not required to really do chores, so I like that. I don't like being away from the center of everything, but I do like being right next to Hyland so I can bike around whenever I want.

My parents took the house off the market yesterday. We just can't afford to sell our house at the price comparable homes are being sold at. This agonizes me. My dad is really happy, but this is just making things harder in my eyes. It means there's no end in sight for the weird dynamic between my parents. I thought about it, and I just want them to get divorced now. I've just grown so accustomed to the idea and planned for living in a new place with one of them that I would like that plan to follow through. However, I think my parents are going to try counseling. I could never forgive my mom if I were my dad, but Jared pointed out to me that 21 years of marriage can really change your perspective on forgiveness. I just hate this limbo period, and now it's not even going to end. I kind of told my mom how upset I was that she's sending Kenny & me really mixed signals, and she only gave me a beat-around-the-bush answer. I'm just too afraid to really get into it and fully expose how I feel about all of this.

We had a garage sale the past two days, and I made $22! It would have been more since my keyboard sold for $20, but my mom said she really pushed it, so I just decided to split it instead of arguing. Then I got a package today from my grandpa containing 3 John Adams dollars for the "Wagner Memorial Prize for Grade Point Average Achievement." My family is so peculiar sometimes. Both sources of income will go directly to gas money, of course. $50 can't even get me 3/4 of a tank anymore. I HATE GAS. It's pathetic that my '94 boat gets as much MPG as a lot of new cars, especially my dream Acura TSX. I can get 30 MPG on the way to work if I go 62, and on the way home it's about 27 because I have to do a lot of merging, meaning I have to accelerate quickly a lot. Bernadine is almost as good as it gets, as far as cars go. I'll really be panicking when she dies.

New Job!!

Likes:
- Grocery shopping!!
- Judging the food that people buy. I especially like seeing if a person that orders a lot of frozen diet meals gets healthy food for the rest of their order.
- Relaxed atmosphere: after we're done packing orders, I can go home or stay and do chores. I like doing chores alone with no deadline.
- Boss & coworkers.
- The trust my boss puts in me. I'm treated as an Assistant Manager already.
- Our vans are named Juicy & Fruit.
- Free water & granola bars.
- Having half a day after work to do whatever I want (Read: long, long naps)

Dislikes:
- Waking up at 6.
- Driving 30 mins each way to get to work every day.
- Getting lost on the way there AND back my first day.
- I'm terrified of driving our 2 big vans.
- I'm working on my own most days I work and that still terrifies me.
- I feel like I have to be as good as everyone else already because of the expectations I feel are put on me. I could be making them up, however. I'm really bad at speaking up about being scared, though, so a lot of these feelings are escalated by bottling them up.
- It's slow right now so it will be tough to be able to work every day I want to/am signed up for.


Tomorrow will be my first day shopping completely alone. My stomach is churning at the thought. Driving a giant van really intimidates me, let alone the pressure I put on myself to get things done as quickly as the other shopper. And if I mess up, there's no one to correct me right away, making it harder for us when we pack orders. I am just going to (try to) breathe and remember my boss thinks I'm one of the smartest people there.

Since I won't get to work every time I'm signed up, I'm going to look for another job for the 3 days of the week I'm never assigned to. I think I'll apply at Barnes and Noble. Maybe Brueggers. I just want to bike to this other job.

I could bike to my current job, I guess. I'd drive to the light rail, take it to the Metrodome, transfer to the 16 bus, and bike the 8 blocks to work off of the bike system. But my bike doesn't fit in my car and buses don't always come when you need them to. I also hate biking on the road.

Ah, Procrastination

I can't really call this procrastination, though. I've been so busy, with going to Chicago, hanging out with Aaron this weekend, working, and sleeping a ton to get used to my new work schedule. I haven't had much time or desire to sit here on my laptop for more than five minutes at a time. Anyways, I can at least start with a Chicago recap!

- 8 hour bus ride in the middle of the night there sucked. Aaron and I didn't get to sit next to each other for most of the ride. And even though the driver was an hour late to pick us up, we got there earlier than the targeted time.
+ Using public transportation. Sure, it was a little daunting at first, especially for someone like me who's bad at knowing which direction was which. I got used to it eventually and we saved a ton of money by getting a $9 2-day pass.
+ Seeing my old coworker Lynette out in Oak Park and seeing her city. Pretty good lunch at an overpriced Greek restaurant. Delicious treats at Kay's Bakery
++++ Kanye!! It ruled beyond expectations. N.E.R.D. ruled and I have a megacrush on Pharrell. Chris Brown came out and danced during their set. Rihanna looks like a man and she had nasty fake long green nails. I thought I was going to be bored with just Kanye on the stage, but it was captivating and well laid out. Everyone got a little inspirational book on the way out. I've misplaced mine for the moment.
- Figuring out Chicago buses at midnight. It took us forever to get home, and we owe finally getting there to a nice bus driver that waited for us to run to the stop.
- Every food establishment in Chicago closes way too early. We got pretty tasty pizza delivered to our room 2 nights in a row, though!
++++ Bongo Room pancakes. Strawberry banana, raspberry oreo, and white chocolate caramel pretzel. Proof of heaven on Earth:

+ Real Chicago deep dish
- Having to sleep too much to keep up with our activity level. There was a lot more I wanted to do!
+ Field Museum, edited version. We only spent time at 3 exhibits but it was free! No need to do everything my little brother would have wanted to do.
- Mag Mile was overrated. A spread out Mall of America with some really expensive stores I couldn't afford anyway.
- Millennium Park being closed by the time we got there.
+/- Wandering around a dead Downtown with a little something extra in me.
+ Documentation of the National Friendship Association.
- Waking up early for the bus ride home.
+ Sitting together and sleeping a lot on the bus back.
+ Spending $70 total :)

I want to go back immediately! And now that Lynette will have a condo for me to stay in and you can get Megabus tickets for $40 or less round trip, I smell a strong possibility.

Bike Scene

I was planning all day on going on a bike ride, but decided a big breakfast, going to get my paycheck, trying to renew my license, lunch, laundry, a nap, dinner, more laundry, and tv were priorities first. I finally got around to it at 7:45, and I'm really glad I went and did it after all.

First mistake: riding on a busy road for my first time biking in almost a year. I kinda freaked out and pedaled as fast as possible so I could get to the bike path crossing before any cars came up behind me. After that exhilarating experience, I spent the next hour in Hyland Park getting lost and getting my butt kicked by hills and other bikers. I had such a good time, though! I saw a ton of bunnies and a couple of dear and all kinds of birds. I'm sure my mom would have been identifying every one. The maps in the park were few and far between, so I occasionally ended up at a dead end or at a road. I did find the best way to get to Megan's house and the best places for picnics. I also found a much safer way to get home. I might even reward myself tomorrow by biking to the ice cream shop! We'll see how motivated I am, though :) I rarely follow through, which I am sure you are realizing.

Time to reward myself with some ice cream here and home, and maybe some cranberries too!

Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma

I resisted listening to this band for a very long time after I kept hearing their name, just because I didn't want to give into the hype and doubted they'd actually be any good. However, I downloaded their album and I am completely in love. This is because they were able to write songs about geeky things like mansard roofs and campus life. Oxford Comma is not my favorite song, but it makes me love them the most because of the title. I love Oxford commas. They are when you use a comma in front of "and" when listing only 3 things. It's a controversial practice, but I've always been pro-comma. (If anything, I'm a splicer.) Example. I love bunnies, kitties, and sodapop (Oxford comma) vs I love cheese, mayo and bread. The comma just makes the list more definite in my opinion!!

Anyways, if you love witty and geeky stuff like me, plz listen to this:

Freshman Year

It was certainly an eye-opener, but not in the way I expected. I didn't make tons of friends, I didn't change that much, I still don't drink, and I started going to bed earlier than I used to during high school (at least second semester). This year was noticeably tougher than any I've had before, though. I found out that my parents were getting divorced & selling our house my first weekend at school, and neither has happened yet. Lots of love ups and downs, ultimately ending the best way possible. A change in roommates, a job I would have never imagined myself having or keeping for another year, and a complete change in direction for my career choice.

It's common knowledge that you're supposed to find out who you really are in college. I think I conquered that milestone somewhere in middle school, so I missed out on that. Instead, I learned a lot about other people and how they compare to me. There's a reason I didn't make a lot of new friends. I just don't have a lot in common with the average 18- to 22-year-old. I've got myself all figured out (well, almost) and I know what I'm looking for (and found it) in a significant other. I've already got a lot of life skills, such as the ability to cook, manage a bank account, properly clean, and manage my time and grades. It all has something to do with my parents guiding me by not really guiding me. The older I get, the more I appreciate their "neglect." It's in quotes because they didn't quite neglect me, just forced me to be independent and learn to do things on my own. I've always had that independent streak, so that's also helped me learn how to do important things whenever I was ready to learn them. Thankfully, that was earlier than the average human being.

I'm already ready to have my own home and career and family. I'm obviously not trying too hard to make those things happen (I really don't want to get married until I'm 25), but I'm excited to reach that point in my life. I don't really need the "fun" period in my life. Running a household is fun and fulfilling enough for me. Then again, I can't help but wonder if I'm going to pull a Mom and go crazy when I'm older instead. I still have fun, but I don't need it to define my life right now. I like having responsibility and never want to just throw caution to the wind and let it fall on someone else's shoulders (usually). Also, I feel that if I am not the responsible one when going out with a group of friends, no one will be, and it will be the one time where something serious happens and no one is capable of dealing with it. This is the main reason I haven't partied once. I definitely would have otherwise. No one else is ever willing to take my position, though, so I've just been content to fill it.

I just realized my dream last night was linked to this. In it, a friend of mine broke his arm clear in half and no one in the room was willing to help me take care of him and get him to a hospital. The 911 dispatcher was even beating around the bush with me, leaving me all alone!! I freaked out in my dream since I was so helpless and just needed to take care of my friend. I woke up because I just couldn't handle it anymore, and it took me at least 30 minutes to get back to sleep.

Getting back to the original post subject, I feel like I have a much stronger moral system than other people my age, even people a lot older than me. I don't let my beliefs cave in for one night or try to hide them to impress people. Don't like people who party? I'm not going to be what you want just so you'll have a crush on me, too. If anything, your opinion of non-partiers makes me think you're kind of lame and I'm over you anyway. I'd rather have just a few friends that are more like me than a bunch of friends who only like the facade I put on to keep them.

Because my beliefs have stayed so strong, I have grown distant with a lot of high school friends. We stuck together because we were the few of our kind, and now that group is even smaller, aka: me. I still have fun when I see those high school friends and we still have things to talk about, but now I feel like there is this divide between us. I try really hard to not look down upon them for changing, but I can't help doing it a little. I feel like I've been abandoned on our rock without anyone to keep me company anymore. I just have to keep in mind that even though their recreational activities have changed, their personalities haven't. That's what built our friendships in the first place anyway, right?

College has made me feel more alone in the world instead of feeling like I have more people I can get along with. Maybe I'm just a prude stuck in the morals of the past, but I like what I believe. I just don't get what's so wrong with it that no one feels like I do besides my grandparents. Fill me in?

Past in Present

If you know me, you know the past tends to haunt me. There are some things I've done that I will forever be ashamed of and never get over. And then there are some people and events that I will always remember and never forgive. I can live without having it in the front of my mind, but if I am to revisit those times, all the feelings rush back and I get upset immediately.

There are just some names I cannot hear without my stomach turning and tears threatening to show. I am figuring out that this happens because I put on a happy front no matter what so my feelings don't negatively impact others. I never want how I feel to change people, although I subconsciously expect those people to take my hidden feelings into account on their own. Bottling all up has led to a slow, steady, long leak that will take a lot longer to get over than if I had just confronted the issue to begin with. I feel like I'm suffering and holding more back/against people in the long run by putting their feelings before mine. If I had kicked and screamed and cried in the beginning, would I feel like this now? Even though I've come clean about some feelings, the fact that I hid them in the beginning is preventing me from even getting them all out in one go now. Sure, I can go around and say straight to faces that it's no big deal and doesn't affect me anymore, but that is never the truth. I would feel even worse now if they found out the real deal. I can't stand the possible disappointment and annoyance they'll feel by knowing I still hold those grudges and will never be able to forgive.

All that being said, I'm trying especially hard now to consciously let some things go. It's not working completely, but I did finally confront a piece of the past this weekend. It was tough and I wanted to run away the whole time, but it also made me realize how foolish I am for holding things in and hurting myself. Although I will probably never get over the things I am currently dealing with, I'm working harder to make sure I don't add any more dirty laundry to the pile. Metaphorically speaking, I'm using the Tide To Go pen right away instead of letting the stain sit in the hamper for a while. Only I can come up with an analogy like that.

It's Been A Week

I've had a lot on my mind for the past week, so why not finally turn those thoughts into blogs?

First of all, I just want to say that I got on the ball and found myself the perfect summer job!!! It's as a grocery shopper/order assembler for Gopher Grocery (online here!). I drive around to a bunch of different grocery stores with fellow co-workers and shop for the orders of the day. Then I bring it all back to the warehouse and assemble the orders for delivery. Organized & routinized, yet there are different challenges every time. I had two really great interviews leading up to my hiring, and apparently I "knocked the socks off" my new boss. It was originally just a Saturday and Sunday position, but he said he could get me 4-5 days a week. I couldn't figure out why I got such a good vibe from him during the interview, but then I realized it's because he's a lot like Dr. Anne, my old boss/mentor/friend/favorite adult. Someone who's running their own business & in control, but not obsessively anal or tough on everyone that's working for them. It'll be really hard for me to learn to get up early for the job (the shifts are always 7:30 to 2:30) and I'm not going to like driving to St. Paul and back all summer, but those are minor and surmountable obstacles. I won't have any reason to complain about Aaron going to bed early and waking up early anymore since I'll be doing it too. Maybe we'll be on close to the same schedule for once. Over all, I AM STOKEDDDDDDDDD. :)

I start training on Tuesday, so until then I don't know what I'm going to do! Actually, it's only tomorrow that I'm worried about, and I've already got it pretty much figured out. I've got to pick up my paycheck back at the U tomorrow, and I had my dad air up the tires on my mom's bike so I can go exploring in Hyland Park. I need to get back in shape! I'll have a lot more self-esteem and confidence once my body comes closer to satisfy my standards. The skinny ladies that bother me are all around me these days it seems. So are all my favorite foods, courtesy of my mom. It's a fine line for me and my body image issues. And that's something I'll never talk about here.

Anyway, the reason I realized today was my only boring today is because Thursday I'll be packing and baking cookies for my red-eye trip to Chicago with Aaron :) I cannot wait to catch up with my old coworker Lynette, see Kathrine again, stay in a hotel, shop the Mag Mile, and go to KANYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :DDDDD. I feel like we bought tickets so long ago (February 15... 30 seconds before Aaron asked me to make it official between us. Caught up in the moment much?), but the moment is finally here! So I doubt you'll hear much from me this weekend, either.

Pet Peeve of the Moment: I have definitely seen all the Sex & The City episodes they air on TBS. It's always the same 7 or so, I swear! The other ones must just be too risque or something. As much as I complain, I always tune in at 10:00 pm if I've got nothing else going on.

Overreaction

When I'm in a bad place or feeling down, the bad things always seem so important and overwhelming and I forget the good parts. I especially tend to do that when Aaron and I have a fight or can't talk because of our schedules. But putting everything into perspective, he is better to me than I could ever imagine and he is my biggest supporter. The peanut butter to my jelly. The yang to my yin. The chaos to my order. The Chris Brown to my Rihanna.

I think when I blog I also tend to steer away from getting all sappy and braggy about us because I know what it's like to be single and have it rubbed in your face. But I also have very few people (read: pretty much no one) who I can talk to about my relationship problems because everyone has a different view of mine & Aaron's complicated past and I don't want people to hold that against him or me anymore.

So from now on I'm going to try to keep all this in perspective if things get rough for an afternoon or a week. I'm in it to win it right now. If that means fighting to make things better right away instead of just letting them progressively get worse, then so be it. It's worth it all. He's worth it all.

Natural Disasters

In the past week:
- Cyclone in Myanmar killed more than 15,000 people and counting
- 7.9-magnitude earthquake in China killed over 12,000 people and counting
- Wildfires in Florida destroying tons of homes
- Tornadoes in the South & Midwest killed 22 people

Just goes to show that Mother Nature always gets her way.
I wish we could escape from all the tragedy.

EDIT: 2 people just died from severe storms in Georgia.

Alone

My roommate has now basically moved out into our apartment. She took the tv and the couch and everything. I am forced to be in my bedroom forever. Alone. With an empty middle room (except for the dust and her random shit).

My boyfriend now has a social life again. Meaning we don't get to talk very much. Or if we are talking, it's just about what he's been doing all day. He doesn't seem to care about what I have to say lately. And I'm lonely.

My days this week will consist of getting up for work, working, then studying. Some days it will just be studying. No TV watching or movie watching because I don't have the capability for either; I took all my movies home.

I just want someone to be here and tell me goodnight.

Mother's Day = Son's Day?

Mother's Day has not gone according to plan at all today. I really wanted it to just be me and my mom at Patrick's Bakery this morning but my dad & brother invited themselves along. Of course it was a lot of what I feel is my dad's judgmental comments and my brother trying to impress him or my mom. Then there was confusion with my mom's gift, where she thanked me and Ken for her watch, but it was my dad that bought it for her. He also didn't get her a mother's day card for the first time I can remember. I know he doesn't have to anymore, but he usually does anyway. And since it was the whole family plus pastries for my grandma and grandpa, I didn't pay for it like I wanted to so it could be my present. Then we went to Southdale to get some links taken out of the watch and to shop for a jacket for my mom. We ended up looking at clothes and stores for Kenny instead. My mom also gave him $2 to buy a truffle at Godiva... without giving me any money or anything. Or to spend on a truffle for herself. Then we went to Starbucks. I wanted to pay for coffee for me and her but she had a gift card. She also let Kenny get a bottled frappuccino thing. We went to Barnes and Noble so she could find a certain book for my grandparents, but also ended up buying a book for Kenny.

WHAT IS THIS???? She's always played favorites, with Kenny being the victor always. Case in point: this Christmas she insisted on no longer letting me have Santa presents, but he still got some to "catch up" to what I got as an only child. It wasn't like I got more presents during family gifts to make up for none in the morning. He got more gifts then, too. I understand they're paying for my college, but they'll be paying for his, too. Probably more because I worked my butt off to get as many scholarships as possible so they wouldn't have to pay very much. End of story: today is not Kenny Day. I wanted to show my mom lots of love and appreciation and buy her something and spend some time with her but it didn't even happen :(

Since I've been home we've gone to Target, to the movies (+ popcorn & pop), Macy's, Taco Bell, Jimmy John's, Barnes & Noble, Patrick's Bakery and Starbucks. I don't think my family is very worried about money anymore. I would much rather stay in and eat little family dinners than go out for every meal. I prefer to only have the occasional meal out to treat myself.

I didn't really get anything important done yesterday and definitely nothing today, so I feel like I wasted another weekend. Tomorrow I've got 2 work shifts, but I should be able to kick out my final Philosophy paper in a couple hours at night. I don't think I need to do much else because I got a 48 on my Bio test!!!!!!! = no final.

zzz time before dinner (on the grill... not out).

Tummy Rumblin'

Interesting Fact: I love to write my name using food. This stems from my love of playing with unused food on my plate and my love of my name. I usually take pictures of this, too. Here are some recent masterpieces:

Pretzels: This took me a good 30 minutes to complete. It was hard not to break the pretzels on some letters!


Banana Peel:


BBQ Sauce on Burgers:Did this one at work while waiting for the burgers to be done grillin'. 6 buns fit on the prep board + 6 letters in my name + 1 shitty shift =

7 Hours of Cleaning My Room

and it is as perfect as possible! I have 2 crates full of stuff ready to go to my new apartment so they can take up space there all summer instead of this room/space in the moving truck IF OUR HOUSE EVER SELLS. I also have a full bin of stuff to sell our the garage sale we are apparently having at the end of May. Our family's DVDs are also separated by type (movie, tv series, other) and then alphabetized. My books are also sorted by fiction or non, and then alphabetized by author. I have always wondered if I have minor OCD. And I hope Aaron knows what he's getting into by asking me to help him clean his own room before moving out.

Sometimes I scare myself. I start extra super cleaning one spot then stop to extra super clean another spot and it just goes on and on until I have a giant pile of garbage and nothing else to do until I take it all out to the trash can. Then I slowly piece my room back together and make organized spots for everything. My parents hate it when I do this, which is about once every two years. I just tear everything up and I think they get worried that my room will just stay that trashed. They just don't understand that I have to do everything perfectly in one sitting or it won't get done at all. (This is the same philosophy I hold for writing papers.)

So I spent 7 hours being productive instead of sitting on the internet or watching lame Friday night cable movies. After taking a midterm and part of a final today, plus packing up my dorm, it's been the most productive day in ages. Working for 9 hours yesterday must have gotten to me. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going tomorrow and write my Philosophy paper that's due on Tuesday at 4 p.m. Or memorize the regular and irregular conjugations of all the different verb tenses for French. Or create an Econ formula sheet and memorize it. Or buy/make my mom a mother's day card and drive around for jobs. Or go for a bike ride at the reserve next to my house. The possibilities are endless if I get out of bed early enough.

Interesting find: A large copy of the Magna Carta. It is currently residing in my closet next to my AP European History study book in case anyone ever asks me what it even is, because I surely don't remember. I think it was a gift from my history-buff grandfather. He even wrote a fictional book about medieval cathedral architecture once.

Notes To Self:

- Working 9 hours to escape reality is not healthy.
- Studying hard equals kicking butt.
- Most importantly, a loss of communication does not mean an increase in apathy or a loss of feelings for one another.
- Eating cereal for every meal probably isn't very healthy.
- Look at pictures of bunnies when feeling down.

Frustrated

It really sucks that Aaron goes to bed before I even get out of class or off work some days. Our schedules couldn't get more opposite. We haven't been able to have a nice long talk for a week and that's starting to get to me. It always takes me a while to come out with the things I've been thinking about & want to talk about. To make matters worse, I can't visit him this weekend because I'll be home for Mother's Day and getting enough gas is out of my budget. Then it's finals all week for me, then I'll be busy moving home the next weekend. He'll be camping that whole weekend anyways, I guess. It's fine, but we tend to text all day and not having that for a couple days would just feel foreign & make me a lot more bored. The weekend after that we're going to Chicago for KANYE, so that's a for sure sighting. But that's 2 1/2 weeks from now. And I just feel like pouting :(

Communication is our glue, and the current lack of it is causing me to feel like we're becoming less of a whole and more like two halves.

love love love

So I used to kind of hate T-Mobile... now I am in love. It could not have been easier to switch to my new phone! I just popped in my SIM & memory cards and voila! Their network is so sick. It uploaded my calendar, address book (with picture id + no need to transfer painfully from the SIM card), emails, ringtones, apps, keyguard, volume settings, message alerts........ absolutely everything I can think of. I just needed to geek out for a sec and show my gratitude. :D

True Geek

I wear glasses.
I use an inhaler.
I wear a mouthguard at night.
I use prescribed acne medication.

I R00L.

4 Philosophy Journals Down, 1 To Go

= blog break. I just can't wait for my new phone. It will be here by 3 pm tomorrow!!! I will not get to start using it until like 10 tomorrow night because of my work and class schedule but that is a-ok!! I've already copies all my contacts to my sim card, sent all pictures to my laptop via email, and I just remembered I'm going to have to copy all my calendar entries and notes into my new phone. BUT THAT'S OKAY. I can't wait to have:

- A backlight. I haven't had one for at least 3 months.
- All buttons to use!!!
- Probably a less screwed up microphone so people can hear me properly
- A non-broken wrist strap
- An unscratched, fully intact phone
- A BACKLIGHT!!!!!!

I'll probably be showing it off for the next month.
Wish I could've afforded an LX.
I'd say this ol' boy has lasted long enough - 10 months has got to be a Sidekick record, seriously. And if I had glue, it could keep on truckin'.

Dropped Like A Bomb

So I didn't get a chance to walk to that sweet place I found to work (Birchwood Cafe). My biogeography lab took too long & I went to work early so I could eat my first meal of the day finally. While on the St. Paul campus (for the first time) doing my lab, my lab partner and her friend and I all stopped to get 99 cent ice cream that they make in the dairy science building! Gopher Gold was delicious: French vanilla with a raspberry swirl :) What a steal!! But yeah, a 45-minute dinner after work was the first time I got to relax all day. After I'm done with this I'll be writing my philosophy journals so I can go to work early tomorrow morning.

Why do I need to work tomorrow? Because my phone is on its very last legs and I had to buy a new one from insurance for $110 before it went kaput on its own. It'll be here tomorrow, thank goodness. The most essential key fell off today. I was thankfully able to keep it around for occasional use until the new phone arrives. Anyways, that's $110 I really can't be spending right now. I'm going to have to work a ton to replenish my savings with the amount I took out for it. There weren't any listed shifts for me to take, but my manager told me I could just call anytime I'm free because someone is bound to be missing from work. Put that extra time on top of all my end-of-semester work and the important tests I've got this week and now I'm definitely feeling stressed :(

On the bright side, my lab partner Ashley r00ls. She's also an Entrepreneurial Management major & an anti-Carlson student :) We had a super good time just talking about stuff. Hopefully she'll be in some of my business classes next year.

Off to do Philosophy & French homework I guess... although what I really need is a nap. I took one at this time last night and it, along with 3 am construction work, kept me up way too late last night. I just hope I can remember in the morning when I'm half-asleep and delirious that it is really important to call into work.

I Can't Believe It

The most perfect place in the world for me to work.

I'm forgoing my afternoon nap to walk there (1.4 miles away from Pioneer... and my apartment in the fall) and apply, if they have any openings. I found one for a pastry chef there, but since I have no experience it's not really an option. But that posting might have just been the stars aligning.

I seem to be the most productive late at night

Probably because Aaron's asleep and I just don't want to go to sleep yet.

I've applied to about ten jobs tonight so far, and those are just receptionist jobs. I'm going to look for some food service-type jobs, too.

I think mentioning my lack of proactivity on the job front got my fingers itching to do something about it. Also that my roommate got a job today.

Lots of Potential Here

Facts:
- Aaron loves dogs
- I love baking
- We are a team
- I know/can find out some doggie treat recipes
- The Eau Claire County Humane Association always needs more money
- Aaron works there = has ties

Possibilities:
- Dog Party!! People can come with their dogs to the Humane Association and have a day of doggie games and treats. There are all kinds of both human- and dog-friendly foods, like pasta and oatmeal cookies. People can pay a small fee or just choose to donate while there. We could also bake extra treats in cute little bags to sell for extra donation dollars.
- Dog Treat Bake Sale!! Girl Scout style. Aaron suggested we could get a PetCo to let us sit outside and sell tasty little treats and donate the proceeds to the Humane Society or this cool dog rescue place in Uptown called A Rotta Love.

Conclusions:
- Aaron and I make the best team ever.
- I am going to try to make this happen.

Continuing with the Baking...

I just took this career profile test and these were my results:
You are the embodiment of serving others above all else. Because of your devotion to whatever your doing, you can always be counted on to get the job done. Your role as a Defender comes clearly into focus when asked to protect, help, or maintain the traditions, customs, or rights of an individual, organization, friend, or family member. You are focused on the here and now, and you do not enjoy spending/wasting time on abstract or theoretical ideas. You like structure and order, and can become very uncomfortable when faced with confrontation or conflict. Others may misunderstand you as reserved, cool, aloof, or detached. However, those that get to know you find that warm-hearted, kind and considerate more accurately describe the "real" you.

Then, I had to write an essay about my perfect career choice. I chose being a baker on a whim just because I don't have much of a clue at this point in my life. Writing the 150-word essay made me realize just how perfect that vocation might be for me:
My perfect career would be as a baker with my own shop. My CareerFitter profile claimed I was a Defender, always looking to serve others first and get jobs done in an organized and timely matter. That description fits me perfectly. Owning a shop and baking for the public would allow me to serve my community, just like my profile suggests. Since I like dealing with work in a concrete, tangible setting, instead of with abstract ideas, working with my hands and creating items from scratch daily would fulfill that desire. Baking would allow me to work in a highly routinized environment, something that I crave in the workplace. However, since I like to jump out of the routine on occasion, creating new items or working on a special order would prevent me from getting into a rut. Owning a bakery would fulfill all of my CareerFitter profile aspects.

I guess what this means for the near and dear to me is that you can expect me to be cooking up treats for you and hosting dinner parties in the summer!! I can't wait to be back home and have my kitchen at my disposal.

Thanks :)

I took a page out of the MPLS Scene book and put a StatCounter on this blog, and I'm really, really surprised at how many people read it every day, even when I don't post a link to it in a bulletin or promote it. I just wanted to say thanks for reading because it sort of makes me feel like my opinions and worries about life are valid and something others feel as well. I try to post every day, but recently I've been finding myself with a social life. Never fear; I'm always cooking up new topics to write about.

I can't believe it's already the end of the semester. I didn't realize how much work this week would be until about 5 minutes ago, and now I'm a little stressed. I have a French oral exam on Thursday that will count double since I missed the last one, and the listening part of the final on Friday. I've got a Biogeography midterm (to determine if I'll have to take the final) on Friday as well. I have 5 Philosophy journals due Tuesday night, and my final paper due by next Tuesday at 4 pm. Econ is my saving grace by giving me a sort of slide week, but I'm struggling with a lot of our more recent concepts and will have to put significant effort into studying for the final. I'm going to need all the luck I can get, plus the full potential of my test-taking skills. Yikes!

Then I also have to worry about packing. I have soooooooooo much stuff here in my dorm and 0 things at home because I thought our house was going to be sold a lot sooner than now. However, my room is only like 150 square feet or less, so I guess I can't have that much stuff (in my terms).

I still don't have a job for the summer, but I haven't put much effort into the search lately. I've actually been doing homework and working a ton so I don't have to stress out right away. I wish an opportunity would just land in my lap, but things never happen that way.

I keep watching Food Network shows and thinking about pursuing baking and/or cooking. I love food!!! So much!!! I also watched Stranger Than Fiction today and I just love the bakery Maggie Gyllenhaal owns. And she seems so happy! A top-notch salary and a corner office have never been on my agenda, really, and I'm realizing more and more how those kinds of people aren't satisfied, yet the ones that run a tiny diner twelve hours a day are. I would be very content just staying home with my kids if my husband could and wanted to support us all. Maybe when the kids hit school-age I'll start a baking delivery service! I'll just cook all day and night at home and deliver things fresh to people's doorsteps, even custom made and things like that. Also, teaching others to cook always makes me happy. I taught my friend Pat to bake cookies & Aaron and I have made cookies once or twice as well. I've always wanted to get Aaron in the kitchen and teach him how to make a bunch of staple meals and dishes. Maybe if I can make him into a pro, we can start formulating our own delicious recipes and items. I think when I take my mom & grandma to Patrick's Bakery in Edina on Sunday for Mother's Day, I'll also ask them about working there :) I could continue in the fall because there's a bus that goes straight to Southdale Center.

All this writing about food is making me really crave some cookies and milk. Yummmmm!

Noticeable Lack of Posts

Maybe I just don't blog when I'm happy, or I just blogged myself out on Monday, but I honestly haven't had much to say since then. School is going pretty great & Aaron visited for a couple nights & I worked 2 extra shifts at work. I also just downloaded the new Death Cab and I like every song. I guess some songs aren't very noticeable though. I don't like the last half of Plans but I can listen to Transatlanticism forever and ever. Basically, I'm excited for June 2 :)

This week is my last week of class. Then it's finals + lots of work week, then I move home. And I still don't have a summer job. But it won't kill me until after I get home from Chicago for Kanye and I've spent all my money.

I had a great night of talks with my old roommate and current coworker Sara last night. She was over until like 3 in the morning and we finally got to really know each other, despite living together for 4 months. It made me feel less alone and like I had gained one more true friend.

Great idea: 1/2 appetizers @ Applebee's after 9. The campus one is always chock full of chaches, but I went with Aaron, Sara, and our friend Blake and we each got one. Way too much food for sure. And the chocolate shakes are a ripoff, so watch out. Our little group is very dynamic and very, very fun. Any combo of us can get along really well, but I think it's the best when it's all of us (except when it's just me & Aaron, of course). Just another thing this week that made me feel less alone.

I noticed a couple of potential friends in classes this week, too. My biogeography lab partner and a girl in my French class are both really easy to get along with. Maybe they'll be people I can develop a friendship with and therefore have real school friends! You'd think it'd be easy to make friends in a sea of 50,000 people, but I've really struggled. These people and a couple people in my dorm have made me realize that it may be harder for me than most people, but there are a couple of great people I get along with well, and I'm sure some more to come. :)